I was recently on vacation in California with my little family. I was taking a moment to breath, and move on the beach and my husband decided to capture a little video. It is a beautiful video. The scenery is breathtaking, and I look so calm and peaceful. I decided I would share it on social media, because thats what we do with the pretty things in our lives, right? But for over a week I would create a post, then delete before I actually posted it. Something didn't feel right, there was no context. The video only shows the beautiful moment on the beach. It does not show the journey to that moment on the beach. So, I decided I would share it, but with some context. I did not want it to appear as another post in our feed that makes us feel like everyone has their shit together but us. So I shared it with this;
I've been wavering about posting this sun salutation for over a week. My husband thought it looked beautiful so decided to record me while I took a moment to breath. But the video doesn't tell the whole story. What it doesn't say is that I have struggled with anxiety, depression and a lack of self love for years. And through my yoga practice I developed tools, and strategies to help me in feeling healthy and at home in my body. But there are still days I feel anxious, still days I feel down, and still moments I catch myself falling into the headspace of thinking I am not enough. The video does not show those moments where I felt so overwhelmed by the crowds everywhere we went, and found myself being short with the boys (and Ryan) for no reason. It does not show that healing is a practice, which is not linear, and most certainly not a destination. Practice takes commitment, and the grace, the decision to show up for myself, and forgiveness for the moments that I do not. It does not show the hard lessons I have learned that being honest, and real, and authentic is true strength. And only once I could get really honest with myself could I begin to grow.
This is why I practice yoga. This is why I am passionate about holding space for others to experience yoga. Everyone has stories, beyond what the eye can see. Yoga helps me to accept and acknowledge my stories, without allowing them to define me. Yoga holds space for me so I can learn to hold space for myself, and others to be exactly as they are.
Just that little reminder that we all have "stuff". Some of us may be carrying heavier stuff than others. But try to allow yourself the space to be exactly who you are. Because you are enough, a million times enough!